1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,960
OK, just need to take a few details.
2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,960
Can I start by taking your name?
3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,960
Er, yes, it's Lindsey.
Lindsey Brown.
4
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,960
OK, Lindsey, Lindsey Brown.
Is that your vehicle out there?
5
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,960
The 2012 Ford Focus
with the faulty brake light?
6
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,960
Erm, yes, I'm getting it fixed.
Good, make sure you do.
7
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,480
Let's start at the beginning.
8
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,000
Well, your Rishi is settling in
very well. Mm-hm.
9
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,000
He's made some friends,
which, first time at a new school,
10
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,960
it's never easy.
11
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:26,960
Is he getting good marks, though?
12
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,960
LINDSEY INHALES
How good is "good"?
13
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,640
Good enough to go to Oxford at 12,
14
00:00:31,640 --> 00:00:33,480
become CEO
of a major international bank
15
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:35,320
and treat me to a yearly
round-the-world cruise
16
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,800
without my husband.
17
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,960
He did this lovely picture
of a butterfly.
18
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,960
Mm. That's a start.
19
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,960
Hi. Ah! Now, I never forget a face.
Oh.
20
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,960
It's, er, Mr Lapland, isn't it?
21
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,960
HE LAUGHS
Former trainee.
22
00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,960
Yeah, no. Listen, I was wondering
if you could do me a favour.
23
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,160
Not something I do, as a rule.
24
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,960
Actually, not something
I've ever done, now I think of it.
25
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:21,960
OK, look, I know that
you're a rash, impulsive woman.
26
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,960
That's what I love about you,
but inevitably,
27
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,960
there will be a day where
you make a decision you regret.
28
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,960
I regret having you
in the first place.
29
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,320
Now you sound like my mum.
30
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,000
I am not your therapist, Legland.
OK. Erm, right...
31
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:35,160
Look, well, seeing as my parents
have let you have discretion,
32
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,960
what if was to apologise
for Daz's groin?
33
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,320
You know, maybe kiss it better?
Oh, dear. Have we changed our mind?
34
00:01:41,320 --> 00:01:44,000
Do we suddenly want to stay
and do the nasty "twaining"?
35
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,640
I wouldn't put it that strongly,
but, er, I would say
36
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,480
that I'm prepared
to give it another chance. Hm.
37
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,960
Well, what about the backchat?
The relentless wit and repartee?
38
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,160
I'll let you continue that,
within reason.
39
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,960
Mm. You drive a hard bargain.
No, I drive a Honda Civic.
40
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,960
And we're off.
So am I back?
41
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:00,960
Get lost.
Is that a yes?
42
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,960
Trot on, fuck pig.
Thanks, babe!
43
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:09,480
All right, mate.
How was your drama group last night?
44
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,960
Yeah, good, man.
You know, we worked on being sad,
45
00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:13,960
but as our favourite animal,
so I had... Hang on.
46
00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:15,000
What?
What you doing here?
47
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,160
Well, this is the way
to the lockers, right?
48
00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:20,960
But you left us, mate, remember?
What, left this place? What?!
49
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960
Thought you said
you were chucked out.
50
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,960
Ah, that. Yeah, mate,
that was a joke, all right?
51
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,960
Obviously.
That's such a relief!
52
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,960
No, I kinda knew
you were winding us up.
53
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:32,960
No, you didn't, Paul.
54
00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,000
All right, I didn't, but I wished
really hard that he was, so...
55
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,960
Leggo! You're still with us.
56
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,640
Let me guess, you've always known.
57
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,960
What? Known what?
Dunno. Everything.
58
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,960
Stephanie knows everything.
59
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,960
ENTHUSIASTICALLY: Hey!
LAUGHING: What was that?
60
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,160
You're not supposed to be here.
61
00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,960
Yeah, well,
you sound glad that I am.
62
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,960
What? No.
63
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,960
What, so that "Hey" was like, "Hey!
Oh, shit, that fucker's back."
64
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,960
No, not exactly. It was
just a... a reaction of surprise.
65
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,960
OK, let's hear it again.
DISINTERESTEDLY: Hey.
66
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,480
Oh, come on,
it wasn't quite like that.
67
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,960
Again.
FEIGNING INTEREST: H... Hey.
68
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:09,960
Mm, yeah, better.
69
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,960
How come you're back?
Love.
70
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,000
I just love the place.
71
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,960
They also begged me not to go.
72
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,960
They didn't wanna lose
their brightest student.
73
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,960
Why would they lose me?
HE SCOFFS
74
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,480
I guess, if I was gone, they'd just
assume you'd died of a broken heart.
75
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,960
Big announcement today.
Oh, you getting engaged?
76
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,960
Well, not as far as I know.
I think Melanie is referring to
77
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,960
the new Director of Training
announcement.
78
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,320
Yeah, I know she is, Bob,
because I'm across that kinda thing,
79
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:44,960
and I don't need Melanie kicking me
up the arse to remind me.
80
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:48,320
Well, good luck, both of us.
And may the best man win.
81
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,960
I am more man than he will ever be,
82
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:52,960
and I'm strangely confident
that luck won't come into it
83
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,800
now that I've identified
the infiltrator.
84
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:56,960
MELANIE GASPS
Thanks for playing,
85
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,480
and remember, nobody goes home
empty-handed on this show.
86
00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:02,960
Oh, no, hang on. You do.
But did you have a good time?
87
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,800
Oh, yes, I have, thank you.
Yes. Been amazing.
88
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,960
No, no, no, don't say that.
What...? I forgot, yes.
89
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,480
Have...? Thanks for playing, Julie.
Have you had a good time?
90
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:14,960
Have you got one single
original thought in your head?
91
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,960
Well, I... Have I, Melanie?
92
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:21,960
All right, kiddies.
93
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,960
So, today, we're working
on cardio pulmonary resuscitation,
94
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,960
aka C-P-R. Yeah?
95
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,960
We're supposed to have
a rescue dummy, but Daz borrowed it.
96
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:32,000
Hasn't brought it back.
Not sure why.
97
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,160
BOTH: Sex.
98
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,960
So, er, one of each pair
lie on the floor,
99
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,960
the other one kneel
next to them, yeah?
100
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,160
Now, following chest compressions,
101
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:42,640
we wanna begin giving
rescue breaths.
102
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,960
Now, to ensure
that the airways are open,
103
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,960
you wanna tilt the head back
and lift the chin.
104
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:48,000
Go on.
105
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,960
Er, no, no, no. No, that's wrong.
That's wrong, that.
106
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:52,480
Why is that wrong?
Er, it's... it's wrong.
107
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,960
The thing that you were doing
was wrong.
108
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,960
Erm, let's, er...
Somebody else swap in.
109
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,960
I tell you what, Huggins,
up you get.
110
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,960
You swap with Steph...
Student Officer Jackson. All right.
111
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:01,960
I don't... Why can't I just do it?
112
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:05,160
No, just cos... faulty technique.
All right, down you get.
113
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:07,960
So, like I said,
to ensure that the airways are open,
114
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,960
you wanna tilt the head back
and lift the chin.
115
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,960
Right, head back.
116
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,800
OK, now, to make sure
the airways are clear,
117
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:15,960
you wanna blow
into the subject's mouth.
118
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,960
Yeah, nah, I'm not sure about this.
My airways are completely clear.
119
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,160
They do sound pretty clear.
I mean, he is talking.
120
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:22,960
Huggins, give two rescue breaths,
121
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,960
and watch his chest to see
if it rises. Yeah?
122
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:27,960
Really?
123
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,640
OK.
O... OK.
124
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:33,960
There you go.
Just do it.
125
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:34,960
All right.
Oh, God.
126
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,960
SQUELCHING
127
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,960
Are his airways clear?
Yes.
128
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:48,960
How d'you know? I didn't see you
check his chest to see if it rises.
129
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,960
Well, I felt them with my tongue.
You what?
130
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,960
Yeah, just, like, put my tongue
down his throat, wiggled it,
131
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,960
felt about a little bit, seen
what bits and bobs were in there,
132
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,960
and, no, nothing.
No blockages detected.
133
00:05:58,960 --> 00:05:59,960
You're not supposed to use
your tongue,
134
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:03,640
you just blow down
and check to see if his chest rises.
135
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,960
What...? Oh. Oh,
I did not know that. Sorry, mate.
136
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:08,160
All right,
you can get up now, Legland.
137
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,320
Legland!
GEETA: I think he's fainted.
138
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:13,960
No, he's only pissing about.
He's fine.
139
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,960
My God, it's like
Sleeping Beauty in reverse.
140
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,960
Would that be, like, manslaughter?
For God's sake, he's...
141
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,640
Leggo?
142
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,000
Leg... Oh, my God. Leggo!
143
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,800
Leggo?
HE GASPS
144
00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,800
THEY GASP
Jesus!
145
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,160
I could be.
Was I dead for three days?
146
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,960
SHE BREATHES HEAVILY
147
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,480
Get off.
148
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:40,960
Right. The panel meets at three.
149
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:44,000
I'll give you one last chance
to tell me who the traitor is or...
150
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,800
else.
151
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,000
Did Melanie make you say that?
Not to tell you that.
152
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,160
No, and I'm not telling you
who the traitor is.
153
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,960
Is it... Is it...
Is it Stephanie Jackson?
154
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,960
Why her? I don't know.
Something to do with...
155
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,960
It's her hair.
No, you're never gonna guess.
156
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,640
And anyway, even if you did guess,
157
00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,960
I wouldn't tell you
if you were right.
158
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:02,960
Is it Legland?
Never liked the cut of his jib.
159
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,960
Legland has just been spending
the last two weeks
160
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:05,960
trying to get out of here.
161
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,960
Does that really strike you
as mole behaviour?
162
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,960
Well, not unless he was tunnelling,
I suppose.
163
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:13,960
My God, you wouldn't guess it
if it was staring you in the face.
164
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,960
Oh, my God, is it you?
Jesus, no, it is not me.
165
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,960
Why would I be doing all of this
if it was me?
166
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:23,960
Cos someone's... injected you
with a truth syrup.
167
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,160
No.
168
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,640
I don't know. I don't know.
I give up.
169
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,960
You're a police officer, Bob.
You're not supposed to give up.
170
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:33,960
I know. Is it...
Is it the Home Secretary?
171
00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:37,800
Not a student at this college.
Is it... Is it Jason Bourne?
172
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,960
Fictional.
Are you sure? Yes.
173
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,960
In any case, I've already sent off
the name to the powers that be.
174
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:46,960
This invaluable intel will be
the clincher
175
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,960
for anybody
who wants Cunningham's job.
176
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:51,960
Well, for your information,
I actually do know who it is.
177
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,960
Just said Jason fucking Bourne.
178
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,800
Steph.
179
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:10,800
Bet you're looking forward to that
criminal psychology module, yeah?
180
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:11,960
OK, you're gonna say I'd be great
181
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,960
at getting inside the head
of a deranged stalker.
182
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,960
I mean, nice idea,
but, er, I wasn't.
183
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,960
Yeah.
Well, that was the old Steph.
184
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,960
Well, maybe the new Steph fancies
a drink later.
185
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,960
Sorry, what? I'm... I'm actually
just getting confused now
186
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,960
cos there's old Steph, new Steph,
Steph A, Steph B... I meant you.
187
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,960
Me what?
A drink, you know, in the bar.
188
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:32,960
W-With you there as well?
That's the idea, yeah.
189
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,960
I... I don't think
that's a good idea.
190
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:36,960
Wh... Why not?
191
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:38,960
Because, Mike,
you messed me about all this time.
192
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,160
Why should I trust you?
Because I'm a policeman, yeah?
193
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,960
Yeah, you were a policeman
when you messed me about.
194
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,640
OK, but just a quick little drink.
What are you so worried about?
195
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,320
Closure.
It's open till half ten.
196
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,960
No, I mean, been there, done that.
197
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,960
OK, it doesn't have to be that bar.
We can go to the place...
198
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,960
Right, OK, yeah.
I'll think about it, OK?
199
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:56,960
I will... I'll get back to you.
200
00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:00,960
WHISPERS: Yes!
201
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,960
No, it's all quiet over here.
202
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,960
Out the ordinary? No, nothing.
203
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:11,960
No, cos listen to this, I talked my
way out of a tricky spot yesterday.
204
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,640
Yeah, no-one's sussing me,
I promise.
205
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,960
Gotten away with it. Cheers.
DOOR SLAMS OPEN
206
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:19,800
On the floor!
On the floor!
207
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:20,960
What's on the floor?
The floor!
208
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,960
I'm looking, I can't see anything!
209
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,960
You... get down...
on the floor now!
210
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,960
On your knees! On your knees!
Please don't shoot me!
211
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,960
Please don't shoot me!
Hands on the back of your head!
212
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,000
Identify yourself.
Straight, I like girls.
213
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,960
No, women, I like women.
214
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,960
What's your name?
Paul.
215
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:38,320
Full name!
Paul Corleone Huggins.
216
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:39,960
Corleone?
Yeah.
217
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,960
Stay still! Secure the target.
218
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:45,960
OK, I'll be still.
So still, I swear to god.
219
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,960
OK, now stand up slowly.
Can I please use the bathroom?
220
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,960
What?
Well, I think I need to clean up.
221
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,160
Clean up?
222
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,960
Yes, I think
I might have touched cloth.
223
00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:58,960
Move!
Oh, he's not joking, sarge.
224
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,000
I really, really need to use
the lav.
225
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,000
The cloth is quite badly touched.
226
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:12,960
Thank you, Gavin.
227
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:14,960
No worries. It was nice
to have a little run-out.
228
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,960
It's been a quiet week.
229
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,960
Dismissed.
230
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,960
I'm so sorry.
Huggins.
231
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:25,320
Paul. Paul, Paul, Paul.
232
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,960
Yes, milady.
Ma'am.
233
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,960
Ma'am.
That's what could happen.
234
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,960
D'you see?
It did happen.
235
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,960
Well, I know it did, but only
as an example of what could happen.
236
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,640
You mean it might happen again?
237
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:36,960
Ah, now you're getting
the hang of it.
238
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,960
I don't understand.
239
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,480
The three words which, no doubt,
will be inscribed on your tombstone,
240
00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,960
which may be slightly sooner
than you'd like.
241
00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:44,960
You saying I'm gonna die?
242
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,000
We're all gonna die, Huggins...
sooner or later.
243
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,960
I'm just saying you might be tipping
the scales towards the former,
244
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:51,960
if you know what I mean.
245
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,960
I don't think I do, no.
I know who you are, Huggins.
246
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:56,960
Well, I'm Huggins.
247
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:58,960
No, I-I-I don't mean your name,
Paul Huggins.
248
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,960
I know who you are,
I know who your family are. Oh.
249
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,960
So am I a dead duck?
Oh, no. Far from it.
250
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,960
You're just about to fly off to
another lovely little pond, ducky.
251
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:13,960
HE RETCHES
Sorry.
252
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,000
What? Sorry, I just
really don't like the sound of that.
253
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:17,960
Look, let me just make this simple.
254
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,960
I am recruiting,
and you are working for us now.
255
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,640
I already was.
No, not like that.
256
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,960
As a double prune.
What?
257
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,960
A mole within a mole.
Oh! What?
258
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,960
OK, look,
and this may sound redundant,
259
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:29,960
but just try and act dumb.
260
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,960
OK, I'll try,
but I can't make any promises.
261
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,960
Of course.
So does everyone else know?
262
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,480
What, in here? No, just me.
Think it's probably better that way.
263
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,960
I mean, I wouldn't have to, like,
rat on my family now or anything...?
264
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,960
Hush now. Shh.
265
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,960
We don't need to go
into silly detail like that, do we?
266
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,960
No, we do not.
SHE CHUCKLES
267
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:52,960
Over time, you may need to feed back
intel on criminal activity,
268
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,480
but I need you to do something
really important for me right now.
269
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,960
OK?
WHISPERS: What's that?
270
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,160
I need you to change your trousers.
271
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,960
Yes, Madam.
272
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,960
Finished.
Bollocks you are.
273
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,480
Piece of piss.
No.
274
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,960
Daz, you do know that
each column, each row and each grid
275
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,800
has to have the numbers one to nine,
no repeats?
276
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,960
HE SNORTS
Bullshit. Life's too short for that.
277
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:25,960
Length of life has nothing
to do with it.
278
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,960
What... What have you been doing?
279
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,960
I've just been writing the numbers
I like in the blanks, like eight.
280
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,960
It's a sexy number, is eight.
Reminds me of a woman's body.
281
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,960
And zero-zero, that's like boobs.
282
00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,800
It is, yeah,
but that's not how you play it.
283
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:42,800
No, that's not how YOU play.
284
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,960
That's not
how any human beings play it.
285
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,960
My way's better.
No, it's not.
286
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,960
Yeah, it is. Sudoku porn.
287
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,320
Sexy body, pair of boobs,
288
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:51,960
zero-one-zero, a cock and balls.
289
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,800
Guys, guys.
You're not gonna believe this, yeah?
290
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,960
I've just been offered
a role for this new TV cop show.
291
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:00,960
My God! Ha-ha!
You're joking me!
292
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,960
That's amazing!
Yeah, man.
293
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,960
I knew that Devon Hansell
when he was a struggling nobody.
294
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,960
I always said you had what it takes.
295
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,800
No, you didn't.
No, I didn't.
296
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:10,960
Hello, everyone.
It's a pretty normal day, innit?
297
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,960
Like, nothing life-changing
happening here.
298
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,960
Well, no, apart from Dev, he's just
got a part in a new TV cop thing.
299
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,960
God, that is amazing.
I mean, I love police shows so much.
300
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,960
I mean, I've always had a dream
to be a policeman, so...
301
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,160
You realise
you're training to be one?
302
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,960
Yeah, sorry, I just forgot
who I was there for a moment.
303
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:26,960
Who you playing?
304
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,960
Er, Victimone.
I'm thinking Italian. Ooh!
305
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:33,640
What does he do?
Ep 1, erm, found in the woods.
306
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,960
Oi!
Ep 2, I'm in the mortuary.
307
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,960
Ep 3, open-casket wake, yeah?
308
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:41,960
Ep 4, I'm buried and then dug up
again for a second autopsy,
309
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:44,960
and Ep 6... Don't know
what I'm doing episode five.
310
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,960
Maybe improv something, but, yeah.
Big role.
311
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,960
"Victimone".
312
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:51,960
Are you sure it isn't "Victim One"?
313
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,960
It could be, yeah.
Right.
314
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,960
Dev, you're not an actual part.
You're a corpse.
315
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:58,960
All right.
316
00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,960
I did not shit myself. What?
317
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:07,960
Who?
318
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:10,960
Sir!
319
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,960
I'm stuck. No, no, not stuck.
There we... Ah!
320
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,160
Oh, yeah, yes, Melanie?
321
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,960
A little bird has just told me
that Superintendent Spry
322
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,960
has not been named
as the new Director of Training.
323
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,960
Oh, no!
No, no, no! No, no, it's fantastic.
324
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:25,960
It means it has to be you.
325
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,960
Let's just hope
she takes it in good spirit.
326
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960
Can I have
the key to the gun cupboard?
327
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,960
Do we have a gun cupboard?
328
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,960
Sorry, not gun,
I mean stationery cupboard.
329
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960
No, I mean gun cupboard.
330
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:42,960
Have you any, erm, any news
on the top-dog job?
331
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,960
I didn't get it.
MELANIE GASPS
332
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:49,960
Oh, I'm so sorry. Sad and sorry,
sad, s-sad, sad, sad.
333
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,960
Oh, and neither did Bob.
Oh, bum!
334
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,960
If you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna
go and do some special filing.
335
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,960
Double bum!
336
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:09,960
Oh, it's always darkest
before the dawn.
337
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,960
Worse things happen at the seaside.
338
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,960
I mean, nobody died...
did... did they?
339
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,640
You will if you come out
with any more meaningless cliches.
340
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:19,960
Well, it's not the end of the...
341
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:21,960
...potato.
342
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,960
They gave the job to somebody else,
Bob.
343
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,960
We gave it our best shot.
344
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,960
And I thought
we were both excellent candidates.
345
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,960
Clearly, they found
someone fresh and exciting
346
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,160
to lead us into a wonderful new...
347
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,960
Ah, Bob, Julie.
348
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,960
Well, well,
it's great to be back at the helm.
349
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
Oh, I'd love a tea,
if you've got a moment. What?
350
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960
HE CHUCKLES
Tea. Cup of tea.
351
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:46,960
Chief Superintendent Cunningham,
er, did you forget something?
352
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:49,640
Well, I forgot
how much I missed the old place.
353
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,640
But it's certainly great
to be back in charge.
354
00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,960
No?
Sorry, in charge of...?
355
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,960
The college.
Well, con... con...
356
00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:01,480
congratulations to... Which one?
This one.
357
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,960
But... But you were... You... You...
You were relieved of your position.
358
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:06,960
Reinstated on appeal,
and rightly so.
359
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:10,960
But you fashioned yourself as
Stephen Hawking at a public event.
360
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:13,960
Ah, yes, turns out, leaving dos
are not considered public.
361
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,320
Also turns out,
362
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,960
it helps if you play pickleball
with the head of the appeals panel.
363
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,960
Well, as long as it's consensual,
I'm sure that's fine.
364
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,960
Plus, cherry on the cake, our
superiors were mightily impressed
365
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,960
that I identified the prune
366
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,960
that had wormed its way
into the nest down here. What?
367
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,960
Sorry, yes, one of my sergeants
passed your information onto...
368
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,960
yours truly.
But you, er... you did tell, er,
369
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,160
the superiors that, er,
the information came from me, yeah?
370
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,960
Did I? Well, probably, I don't know.
371
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,960
Something may have got lost
in translation.
372
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,960
Where's that tea got to?
373
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,480
I'll get it.
374
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:03,960
Oh, at ease, at ease.
375
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,160
Didn't know you smoked, ma'am.
Mm.
376
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,640
Thought now would be a good time
to start. You OK?
377
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,960
Yeah. Sometimes, I'm just sick
of the kids, that's all.
378
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,960
Home life getting you down, is it?
I meant my classmates in there.
379
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:17,960
Oh, right. Yeah.
380
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:21,960
Well, you are proving to be
a great student, Geeta.
381
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,960
You're a great superior officer,
ma'am.
382
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,960
Well, I know, I know.
383
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,960
If only everybody had
the clarity and wisdom to see it.
384
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,960
More fool them.
You're a woman of the world, Geeta.
385
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,960
I am.
As am I. I've walked the streets.
386
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:39,960
Not as a tart, as a warrior,
discovering the realities of life.
387
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,960
We live a life burdened
with responsibilities, ma'am.
388
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,960
You know, I'm not a mother like you,
Geeta,
389
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,960
but I am mother
to all of those students.
390
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:50,960
Yeah, and it requires strength...
Mm.
391
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:52,960
...and compassion.
Mainly strength.
392
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,160
There's an undercurrent
of compassion.
393
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:55,480
Nah, not really.
394
00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,800
No, no, there is.
I can see it in your eyes.
395
00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:59,800
Can you?
Yeah.
396
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,960
In my eyes?
Yeah.
397
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,480
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
398
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,960
I was heading for the door,
and I forgot you were in the way.
399
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:14,960
Of course.
Oh, ha!
400
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,960
I think I may have accidentally
er, bashed your lips a little bit.
401
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,960
Just a bit of a collision.
Bit of a collision.
402
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,000
Ha! Well, anyway, good chat.
403
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,960
Yeah, we speak
the same language, ma'am.
404
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:25,960
Ah, au revoir, Geeta.
Hola!
405
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,960
Erm, Melanie?
Ooh!
406
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:44,160
Erm, would you...? No, Melanie...
407
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:47,800
Oh, I s... Right,
I was just gonna say, er, thank you.
408
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:48,960
Oh, what for?
409
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,960
For supporting me, being on my side,
fighting my corner.
410
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:52,960
Oh, well, it's nothing, really.
411
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,960
Er, also,
I just wanted to ask you something.
412
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,960
Erm, I've got a, erm...
413
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,480
superintendents' charity dinner
next week,
414
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,960
and... and they've...
they've given me a plus-one.
415
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:03,960
Oh. Have they?
416
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:07,960
Yes, yes, and as you know,
I'm very much, er,
417
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,960
on my ownsome lonesome, you know,
bit of a Bobby No-Mates,
418
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:15,160
er, so, erm, I was just wondering
if you... Yes.
419
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,960
...would cancel the, er, the plus-one
420
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,960
cos it is probably
just a clerical error. Course.
421
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:21,960
Yeah, thank you.
Will do.
422
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:22,960
Thank you, Melanie.
Mm-hm.
423
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,960
Oh, now, nearly forgot.
SHE GASPS
424
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,800
If you could deliver those
to Auntie Bridget...
425
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,960
Got the address there. Needs to be
there by the morning. Thank you.
426
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,960
Thank you, Melanie. Good night.
SQUEAKS: Good night.
427
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:46,960
I'll catch you lot up.
428
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,800
You're sitting in a police car.
429
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,800
I've always wanted to sit in one, so.
430
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,320
Can I join you?
Mm-hm.
431
00:19:56,960 --> 00:20:00,960
Kebab? See I'm carb-loading ahead
of a dangerous level of drinking.
432
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,160
No, I'm good, thanks.
Suit yourself.
433
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,960
Oh, actually,
I'll have just one bite.
434
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,960
OK. Mm.
435
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:13,960
Oh! Oh, I see what you mean,
this is...
436
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,960
Oh, this is nice!
That is really good.
437
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
OK, yeah, now you're enjoying it
too much.
438
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,960
HE LAUGHS
Yeah, a little bit.
439
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,800
This is delicious.
440
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,960
It's like eating a massive vagina.
441
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:29,960
Is this, like, a date?
442
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,960
LAUGHING: No.
Oh.
443
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,960
Good because I...
444
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,960
I wouldn't want you getting
the wrong idea
445
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:40,960
and getting really turned on by me.
446
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,960
Don't worry, that is not happening.
HE LAUGHS
447
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:47,000
Actually, erm, Mike asked me out.
448
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,960
Oh. Wow.
Yeah.
449
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,640
I should go, right?
450
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:56,640
HE INHALES
He's the real reason you signed up.
451
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:57,960
Suppose he is.
452
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,320
So what you gonna say?
453
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,960
Actually, erm...
You ready?
454
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,960
Yeah.
455
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,960
And, er, step out the vehicle,
Legland.
456
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,640
It's not a toy, yeah?
457
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Steph!
458
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,160
Kebab.
ENGINE STARTS
459
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,960
Sorry.
THEY LAUGH
460
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,960
How do I look?
Perfect.
461
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,960
Bit greasy.
Yeah.
462
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,960
HE SIGHS
463
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,160
Hello, sunshine.
464
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,960
Cos I've been a good boy,
I'm out of this playpen for good.
465
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,000
HE INHALES,
EXHALES
466
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,640
But as a farewell gesture,
467
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,960
I am nicking you
for littering His Majesty's tarmac.
468
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,960
Your balls still burning, Peppa Pig?
469
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,960
Ha-ha. Ugh!
470
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,000
Fuck!
471
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:38,960
MAN: Pauly, get in the car!
472
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:41,960
I can't get in. Open the doors!
473
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,640
SIRENS BLARE
Come on, it's locked.
474
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,960
Jump in the car.
Wait, pull me in!
475
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,800
Pull me in!
Just get in, you knob.
476
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,960
Pull me in,
my legs are gonna fall off!
477
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:53,640
Er, mate? Mate?
478
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,960
Come on now. Oh, bollocks.
479
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,960
I didn't touch him!
Hey, that was an accident!
480
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:02,960
It was an accident!
481
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,960
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